[Never Enough Time]

“O unbelieving and perverse generation! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you?” (Matthew 17:17)

“In a little while you won't see me anymore. But a little while after that, you will see me again.” Some of the disciples asked each other, “What does he mean when he says, 'In a little while you won't see me, but then you will see me,' and 'I am going to the Father' (John 16:16)

My father sat in his chair at Kingston, his place for 50 years now and imparted some wisdom, “You think you’re going to have enough time: enough time to go fishing again or to see your granddaughter in her play, but there comes a point where you simply run out of time.” The next day as my dad sat down in the wood stove room and admired Jeff’s new installation of “wall of fish” I hugged him and cried. As I cried he patted my arm and again wisely said, “I’m not gone yet.” I replied, “But you may never be here again.” And he told me, “No, this is the last time that I will be here and I am so grateful that I got to come one more time.” (cue more sobbing) I waved goodbye to my for the final time and watched as my son drove him away from this place that he loved. I have, over the years, said this ‘final’ goodbye to my dad many times given his extensive medical problems. I have always tried to give him that tighter hug, always made sure to tell him, “I love you” just in case. This time as Dad drove off I the potential ‘final’ time turned into the actual final goodbye and that is a gift of knowing. I still do not know the exact length of days or conversations that remain, but in the past day I have come to a new truth.

There…is…never…enough…time

This is not a platitude. It is a deeply held truth that is awakening in the core of my very being. As I feel this truth the Lord shows me His own frustration with “not enough” time emerges in the scripture quotes above. His words echoe with the beating of my grief filled heart, [Not Enough Time]. Every single human lives this reality at some point in time. Today, Not Enough Time, brings a deeper understanding of one of the most famous passages in scripture,

For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son (John 3:16)

Not enough time is the reason for Jesus’ passion, to give each of us the opportunity of the resurrection. Our Heavenly Father created time when He created the day. He created time as a construct for us hoping that this sense of “not enough time” would point us to the desire for eternity that He placed in each of our souls. In a little while I will not see my father anymore, but he will not be gone. He won’t just remain in my memory or live on in my inherited traits, or his “legacy.” My father remains in eternity with his Savior, Jesus. My dad believes in Jesus. My dad has encountered Jesus in his near death moments years ago. My dad has demonstrated a peace through all of these “lasts” that comes from a faith in eternity. My dad is preparing for eternity where the earthly burden of not enough time fall away. Amen.